The Rules of the Ducks
by iftheworldwasonfire
Summary: The Ducks laid down some rules to help everyone survive their unique team. Rated T for a bit of swearing.


**A/N: Because I rekindled my obsession with the Duck trilogy. :) The team wrote this basic set of rules, and as you can see, they also took the liberty to put in their two cents. (aka the bold writing.) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Mighty Ducks, and I make no profit off of this.**

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><p>1. We do not call Adam Banks Cake-eater or Banksie. It annoys the every frigging crap out of him.<p>

2. While we are on the subject of annoying nicknames, you are not allowed to call Charlie "Spazzway."

3. Or Julie "babe" or "sweetie." (**This means YOU, Portman!**)

4. You are not allowed to slur Connie and Guy's names together and call them "ConnieandGuy."

5. No making remarks about Connie and Guy's relationship.

6. No telling Connie and Guy to get a room. (**Even though we're all sick of waiting.**)

7. No telling Julie and any male to get a room. (**Unless you want to get your ass kicked, of course.**)

8. We do not imply that Adam and Charlie are anything but very good friends. (**Even though we all know they're more than that.**)

9. We also do not imply that Portman and Fulton are more than friends.

10. Or any other two male members on the team. (**Amen to that!**)

11. No starting up a "Who's the better goalie?" contest. (**It will end in serious maiming.**)

12. No telling Averman to shut up. (**Pfft, yeah right, like that's going to happen.**)

13. Always tell Averman to shut up. (**And elbow him, if you can.**) Especially when he makes lame puns. (**My puns are AWESOME, thank you very much.**)

14. No talking about Adam's relationship with his dad.

15. Or Charlie's dad.

16. Or Coach Bombay's dad.

17. ...let's just assume families are off-limits.

18. Pranking any of the Ducks is an open invitation for a free-for-all prank war.

19. We do not comment on the attractiveness of our opponents.

20. We do not tease Adam about being injury/accident-prone. (**Even though it's totally true, and he's been injured more than anyone else on the team.**)

21. We don't mention Adam's past with the Hawks. (**Unless you want him to overflow with "Bangst" for the rest of the day.**)

22. No referring to Adam's angst as "Bangst." (**I don't even know what you guys are talking about. I don't have angst!**)

23. Making sexist comments will get you kicked in the balls.

24. Don't, under any circumstances, tell the Bash Brothers that bandanas are out of fashion. (**Bandanas are awesome.**)

25. Russ, Averman, and Goldberg (**especially him**) are not allowed to talk smack.

26. We do not refer to Luis as a "Playa." (**Even though he totally is.**)

27. No stripping in the penalty box. (**Portman, you have scarred us. For life.**)

28. Mention Julie's kiss with Scooter and she will hurt you.

29. Sneaking up on people and lassoing them is only amusing the first time. (**Seriously, Dwayne. No need to strangle your teammates.**)

30. Stay away from Portman and Fulton _at all costs_ when they're in "THE BASH BROS!" mood.

31. If a teammate is hurt we _help_ them; we don't laugh hysterically. (**Even though most times it is hilarious.**)

32. We don't tell Julie, Portman, Kenny, Dwayne and Luis that Karp, Peter, Tammy, Tommy, and Terry were murdered for being on the Ducks. (**I can't believe they believed us!**)

33. Remember that beating up the other team for a remark about one of our teammates is usually not appreciated. (**Who cares about THEM? Half the time they seem to be blind, for crying out loud!**)

34. Calling Dwayne "Hop-along Gretzky" is not recommended.

35. No introducing any of the Ducks to fanfiction.

36. Screaming "WOO WOO WOO, KENNY WU!" was only funny once. (**And even then, it wasn't actually that funny.**)

37. Always blame it on Goldberg. (**HEY! I resent that.**)

38. No purposely tripping people, shoving them, harassing them, or hitting them with hockey sticks. (***cough* PORTMAN *cough* what? Who said that?**)

39. We do not make fun of Dwayne's accent.

40. Or Dean's Chicagoan accent.

41. Or Minnesota accents, for that matter. (**No, we do not say "Don'tcha know!" or "You betcha!" twenty-four-seven.**)

42. Just...no talking about accents.

43. Coach doesn't like it when you use your hockey-sticks as swords in an impromptu sword fight.

44. You can't pretend your stick is a lightsaber, either.

45. Do not listen to Goldberg's "dieting reccomendations."

46. No crashing zambonis into the ice-rink. (**Even though it's AWESOME!**)

47. Don't take things from other people's lockers.

48. No freezing anyone's stuff, either.

49. Don't hid your injuries-it'll just make things worse. (**Tsk, tsk, Adam.**)

50. Most importantly-Ducks fly together. (**Hell yeah we do!**)

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><p><strong>And that was fun. I may do more of this.<strong>

**~lilmissf**


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